The quote "may you ever choose the harder right, rather than the easier wrong" by President Monson this past conference has been circulating social media. It stood out to me as well, as it has been a motto of mine for a few years now.
I've buried my head in the sand somewhat sharing information with others because it is hard to ask people to choose the harder right. Allow me to share with you one of my deep sorrows.
As I've changed my eating habits and those of my children, one of my kids has struggled. This child's brain find's meaning in life when there is joy, fun and pleasure, and has difficulty with willpower, is prone to impulsivity, and is a vulnerable teenager. She was trained for the most part of her life to enjoy cereal, sticky buns, candy bars, ice cream, cake, brownies, and cookies on a regular basis. As I have stripped her food life of all this vibrancy, in an effort to help her avoid depression, anxiety, anger, and digestive health problems, I have inadvertently created a very bleak, joyless, hopeless food world, where she not only feels pain or indifference about the food she eats, but guilt, shame and anger about food she enjoys. Sometimes she is brave and positive, other times it's hard for her.
My other kids have brains with enough foresight and willpower to understand that sometimes food doesn't have to be the most wonderful tasting thing ever, they eat and are grateful their bellies are full, and they look forward to their splurge times when they can enjoy more exciting food. But for this other child, there is too much of a drive to have pleasure now to take any comfort in the thought of facing whole foods. Unfortunately, she has lost her appetite for food in general, developed a mild depression, and searches for pleasurable foods outside the home.
Her emotional dysregulation this year has caused her great unhappiness, loss of pleasure in other things she used to find pleasure in, and many physical discomforts (headaches, ulcers, neck and back pain, etc.) Add this to her already present difficulties with executive functioning skills, and being in junior high with all its lovely social pressures and indifferent teachers, and you have one miserable child.
I have suffered long with her, trying to give her other things to compensate like quality time and exercise options, using as much patience and not personalizing her pain as much as I can, pushing as many of my food boundaries as I dare in order to make sure she has some pleasure in eating and her blood sugar stays stable.
Then I watched General Conference, heard the prophet plead with us to chose the harder right, and felt renewed hope. I remembered God's ways are higher than our ways, we are here to learn patience, refine our spirits, and develop trust. It's ok for me to ask my children and others to practice obedience and sacrifice, "there is great purpose in our struggle in life" (Elder Packer).
But what really helped me come back to life in my efforts was when I watched "Zootopia." Judy the Bunny cop wanted to make things better in the world, and instead, because of her diligent efforts things got worse. She became disillusioned and apathetic. In the same way, absorbing my child's sadness, empathizing with her pain, and bearing her anger has put me in a apathetic place. I tried to help change our eating world so she could avoid depression and physical pain, and it seems I made things worse. I flatlined in my desire to share the "good news" that you can do something to prevent and even heal mental and physical ailments in our day. I don't want to suck the fun and joy out of life, if you are happier with a donut in your hands and a soda straw in your lips, I'd rather have you be happy and sick than healthy and miserable. When Judy found the real source of the problem and she renewed her efforts to make it right.
The real source of the problem is our natural man tendency to avoid pain. I used to be the same way, sweets helped me cope, made me feel great, I could face the work and pain with my sugary sweetness by my side. But it took from me my health, my emotional stability, and gave me more pain later. When I asked God to heal me, He asked me to get rid of sugar. For the early saints it was alcohol, coffee, tea and tobacco. For you it may be something else. I'm sure it gave God just as much sorrow to see me withdraw from the vibrant sweetness as it did for me to watch my kids miss it. He knows in the long run avoiding excess sugar was right for me for many reasons.
Right is hard, wrong is easy, but right is still right, and wrong is still wrong. During my child's developmental years while her brain is still developing and her willpower isn't as strong, she will be prone to depression, but if her brain develops more willpower, more coping tools besides food and immediate pleasure, more knowledge about he connection between intake and health, it will be worth it. I'm grateful she is enduring the sadness now while I am here to support her rather than as a young mother, or when I'm gone.
We and our children will be stronger if we are wise about our food intake. When we stress-eat, feed cravings, use food to cope, and impulsively eat what we want when we want it, not only are we compromising our health, we are doing our brains, characters, and spirits no favors. I keep at it because I love my daughter. I'm not alone in imploring my children and everyone, chose the harder right, not the easier wrong.
