Origin Story of my book

“Hey honey, this year I’ve made a goal to lift weights and get more toned!”

“Awesome! I’ve always wanted a more toned wife. I will do it with you.”

So began 2014, a pledge between my husband and myself to get up early every Tuesday and Thursday and turn on Jillian Michaels and pump iron. After two weeks of sore muscles and little results in muscle definition, my dizzy spells came back.

I’d been suffering with weird physical health issues for 3 years, and been trying to combat them with healthier food and more exercise, and I thought I’d done a pretty good job until I threw my body off balance trying to “get toned.”  My doctor was no help, in fact, because of my difficult mental health history, he tried to put me on Zoloft to get rid of the dizzy spells, head aches, and fatigue, even though I’d gotten through graduate school without any medication and certainly didn’t feel I needed any now.  I’d read books and been to cooking classes and completely eliminated overt sugars, why am I dizzy again?

I decided this time to turn to God, and I exercised as much faith as I could muster in asking Him to heal me. The result was a phone call from an acquaintance down the street. “Hey, I noticed you don’t serve refreshments or sugar at church meetings. I admire that! I have a book you might like.”

Oh, great, I thought. Another book from an anti-sugar extremist telling me all my problems are due to sugar. But it came to me after an exercise of faith…so I read “Sugar Blues” by William Dufty, and yes it was more anti-sugar circumlocution, but this time I felt it was an answer from heaven just for me. I started to change my diet with religious fervor.

My elimination of all overt, covert and refined sugars and grains started April 1^st, and thus my adventure in pain was born. This was not a quick fix, and I was not patient. The only thing that kept me going was the indisputable fact that those dizzy spells left with the sugars. I wanted to quit many times, but “some miracles take time” kept replaying in my head and drowned out the opposition. My sweet sister actually took me aside and started crying because she was so worried I had let my anxieties about food become an obsession that would hurt me. And then there were the negative thoughts in my own head.

 “Why me? It’s not fair! Why is it ok for everyone else to eat bad and not for me?”

And then there were the problems, it seemed every negative health problem I fixed was replaced with a new problem: ovarian cysts, bloating, bowel irregularity, ulcers.  But if I ever tried to “go back” it was infinitely worse. And I couldn’t ignore the plus side, I did lose a lot of weight and had way more energy to lift weights, and I got way more toned! I didn’t seem to have those bi-monthly migraines any more.

I kept reading books, kept being led to more information that helped me understand my metabolic type and how to heal.  And…in February 2015 I started noticing lasting change. My passion for learning was back, in fact I felt smart again. My stomach was rarely bloated and I was more regular. I didn’t have the mood dysregulation I used to have and I didn’t have to spend all day in the kitchen preparing food. I was sleeping through the night consistently. I wanted to live instead of wanting to die! I felt like the miracle had arrived at last!

With patience and persistence, my story became a success story.

Accountable

I have started the writing course by Bill O'Hanlan and it is wonderful! I'm starting to get ecstatic about writing and feel the passion return of writing my convictions regarding harmful foods. I have to admit something about the way I write in my blog just seems to turn people away, and Bill is helping me find ways to simply and tactfully focus my words in a way people will want to hear. Providence is moving with me, I know because I keep having light and knowledge pour into my mind as I come to a crossroads, even when I'm not seeking it. Here is the evidence:
1. One of the first lectures in the module was about accountability groups. There are hundreds of people taking the online course and I didn't see a realistic way to create an accountability group with a few strangers among the hundreds enrolled, so I thought I'd have to skip that step. The very same afternoon a lady in my neighborhood called me and stated she was trying to do a 30 day sugar free challenge, and she knew I was passionate about that, but she needs an accountability group to help her through it and would I be willing or able to do that? I about doubled over laughing! Why yes, in fact I need an accountability group myself to keep my momentum going for a book I'm trying to write about this very thing, if you will hold me accountable, I will hold you accountable! We met a few days later and reviewed our goals and how we can help each other and she has already been a great support. Coincidence? No way.
2. I was really stuck about the "promise" I was offering my readers, because it seemed like there were so many books out there on nutrition and mental health, or weight loss, or how food affects the body and brain, I wasn't sure what made me unique to hold a place on the shelf. I was able to tap into a coaching call from the director and someone else had a similar question, and he asked her "what's missing from all those other books what do they have wrong? What haven't you ever heard or seen as you read books on the subject your passionate about." And it hit me like a bolt of lightening, it isn't just bout the connection between food and mental health, I have the skills to help with the HOW to overcome the forces keeping people eating what they want. I only see weight loss books that talk about cravings, and I want to help people with mental health issues who are weak in their resolve already know how to realistically and permanently overcome cravings, fight the mind chatter that justifies and rationalizes, and challenge the social and environmental messages telling them its no big deal. I was able to connect with Bill and tell him his coaching had already helped me find the gap and he was totally thrilled. It was exhilarating.
3. I was stuck on the population piece of the puzzle too. It's so tempting to think "This book could help EVERYONE!" but that is exactly what Bill told us not to think. I was trying to narrow it down but couldn't figure out what to do, LDS women? My clients? Mental or medical health professionals? Mother's of young children? No matter what I thought it seemed to exclude people that needed it and I couldn't settle on it. On Sunday morning when I was determined to NOT think about the book and give my brain a break, my husband spontaneously wanted to talk about it, and so I told him I was stuck on the population and he was totally all for the mothers of young children population. Think about who has sought your advice and help? Moms! You could get this on a mommy blog and it could take off. They are desperate for help to know how to eat better and what to serve their children they will like and won't take all day to prepare. You are a mental health professional but you are also a mom!  You could really help them. So I got unstuck and settled on a population, and Bill said it was clear and focused, and it helped me flesh out my "prescription" better! In fact I wrote the most brilliant 9 step acronym for my program that could only have been inspired by the Holy Ghost.

So God is with me, I feel strongly that writing a book is the right thing to do, and maybe after all the light and knowledge and direction he has given me to heal maybe I'm accountable to share that with others. I have hopes it will help change things or at least give some people an escape from needless pain. Here is what I wrote today in the Passion worksheet:

I'm afraid to tell people sugar is poisoning their bodies because so many people think it's harmless, so many people love sugar, and so many people don't care if it is harmful. I'm afraid mom's will hate my book because it makes them feel guilty instead of inspired, or that it will make people think "I could never do that" instead of converted to the idea that it needs to happen. I don't want my book to create hopelessness, I want it to spur people to action. I've been dismissed by so many people, they ask me what they can do to improve their health and when I tell them "get rid of the sugar" they never want to speak to me again. Maybe I'm saying it in an overwhelming way, or a not convincing enough way, but people just seem to see me as extreme and either "too hard" or "so not worth it" or not even a big enough of a problem to care so much about. I couldn't even convince my own husband to stop, he still eats sugar on special occasions or if that's what's available. I shared a whole lecture with my supervisor on the dangers of sugar and it didn't seem to change his views on food and mood. I've sent my sugar free recipe book to 10 people who don't do a thing with it.  I have a blog with zero followers.  I feel like William Wilberforce, no matter how much I try to help others the way I've been helped, it falls on deaf ears and doesn't change a thing. I'm afraid nothing will change.

If I weren't afraid or ashamed I would do what I'm doing, write a book so that the convictions I hold will not die within me, and I will know even if no one listens, I shared what I know, and their pain was their own decision and not because "no one ever told me."

Nutrition and Mental Health

I want to write a book, and I'm thinking of writing about nutrition and mental health. I signed up for a three month "coaching through the process of writing and publishing" course, so I'm committed to write something. I have lots of ideas and want to organize them and get them out of my head and on paper even though I'm not even sure who my audience is. Mental health professionals? Nutritionists? People overcoming depression? LDS/Christian faith? People trying to lose weight? I don't know. I'm hoping those answers will come as I go through the course.

I would like to outline here what I'm working on in the event that someone wants to hear the information I've learned about diet and mood, most if not all of it will probably end up in the book, and this blog has served as writing practice on this especial subject.

Nutrition and Mental Health

i. Introduction

            A. summary of contents

            B. personal experience

           

I. Gut to Brain Axis

A. Neurology

            1. Brain Cells: Neurons

            2. Right Brain Left Brain

            3. Emotional Brain

            4. Logical Brain

            5. Vagus Nerve

            6. Neurotransmitters

B. Digestion

            1.Five processes

                  a. Mechanical processing and movement: chewing, mixing

                  b. Secretion: fluid, digestive enzymes and hormones, bile, acid, alkali, mucus

                  c. Digestion: breaking down food to smallest absorbable units

                  d. Absorption: through mucosa into blood or lymph vessels

                  e. Elimination: undigested material eliminated

            2. Key players: mouth, stomach, small intestine, pancreas, liver, gall bladder, large

                        intestine...and neurotransmitters, hormones

C. Connections

            1. Digestion

                        a. leaking gut  
                        b. motility and malabsorption issues
                        c. blood sugar dysregulation
            2.Brain function

                        a. Immune response

                        b. misfiring when to stimulate hormones

                        c. cravings and mood swings

D. Importance of nutrition

            1. Not just about obesity or anorexia
            2. Inflammatory vs Functional
            3. Food and Mood
            4. Gut=second brain, Neurotransmitters first produced in the gut

E. Importance of the nervous system

            1. Parasympathetic vs Sympathetic responses

            2. Nervous system ties all the systems together

            3. Trauma/Brain dysfunction/Stress affect digestion

            4. Wholistic approach to healing instead of focus on symptom

II. Rise in physical and mental health issues

A. Evolution of food

1. The Standard American Diet has become a SAD diet: move away from whole foods

2. Elimination of fat in food has led to adding sugar to improve taste

3. 44% more gluten in wheat today than 100 years ago

4. Refined foods subsidized by government funds and accessible and affordable

5. Additives, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, and refined sugars toxic, in 80% of food products

6. 1980 “adult onset diabetes” now called Type 2 diabetes: 50000 children and adolescents diagnosed

B. Recent Epidemics linked to digestive issues

1. Obesity, 1 in 2 Americans overweight

2. Type 2 Diabetes, a disease of the last century

3. Mood disorders, cognitive dysfunction, and sleep disturbance

4. Fibromyalgia

5. Food allergies, celiac, SIBO, Leaky gut

6. Chronic fatigue syndrome

7. Temporomandibular disorder

8. Irritable bowel syndrome

9. Dizzy spells, fatigue, headaches, “brain fog”

10. ADHD, Alzheimers, Autism, Anxiety

11. "Hypoglycemic" complex

12. Addiction

C. What do the experts suggest?

            1.Contradictions between experts

            2."Lists" of do's and don't's

            3. Medical model vs functional medicine

                        a. doctors vs nutritionists

                        b. natural vs man made

            4. General consensus: balance

III. Three Realms of Human Experience

A. Biological realm

            1.What foods help what?

                        a. Still learning about this: shift away from SAD
                        b. Choose nutrient dense foods
                        c. Protein source vital
                        d. Probiotics?
                        e. Supplements?
                        f. Whole foods vs refined foods (JERF, FED UP, EAT REAL)

                        g. Demonize one food? man-made refined sugars

            2. What is your metabolic type?

                        a. no one right diet for everyone, everyone has a different genetic "weak link"

            b. What is your metabolic evolution?

                  c. Some metabolize glucose faster than others, even within families

            d. Fast oxidizers, slow oxidizers, mixed

            e. What is your muscle mass?

            f. Is your blood sugar regulation off balance?

            g. Sugar/gluten sensitivity manifests different for different people

            h. Start paying attention to how you feel after you eat

            3. Compromised gut integrity

                        a. stomach acid and pH levels

                        b. once you are out of balance, host of problems

                        c. personal history with IBS

                        d. your issue will be different, but still issues!
B. Psychological realm

            1. Thinking errors and food

                        a. Beware All or Nothing Thinking error and food

                        b. What is your mind chatter regarding food?

                        c. Achieve balance mentally as well as physically

                        d. Overthinking what we eat or underthinking what we eat problematic

                        e. We do thinking errors to food, causes problems!

            f. Goal: Base our view of food and nutrition on truth not distortions

            2. Mindful Eating

                        a. importance of saying “grace”

                        b. Take time to sit and eat

                        c. Chew your food

                        d.Notice when you are full

                        e. Write down your mood/digestive response

            3. Anger/bitterness/fear vs acceptance or change

                        a. positive psychology and law of attraction

                        b. acceptance paradox: letting it go

                        c. pain a message: what is your body telling you?

                        d. stop silencing you body

C. Environmental Realm

            1. Stress toxic, sparks nervous system response

                        a. modern lifestyle: death by a million cuts

                        b. Breathe

                        c. Exercise/Stretch

                        d. Mindfulness

                        e. Relaxation

                        f .Rest

                        e. fun

            2. Do what you can, can't avoid all toxins

                        a. constraints in what is available

                        b. time constraints

                        c. social expectations

            3. Live in a land of plenty, because we can doesn't mean we should

ii. Conclusion

Conundrum

After reading the last post, you may be starting to conceptualize my conundrum.  I have a blood sugar regulation problem (thanks Dad), am a fast oxidizer, therefore when I eat sugars starches and simple carbs it causes a lot of digestive and mood problems. I have IBS (thanks Mom) with no known cause other than "I don't get food out of my stomach fast enough" and therefore have difficulty processing fats and have twice been told to stop eating fat or it will cause digestive issues, which it does. So I process simple molecules too quickly and complex molecules too slowly, so what do I eat? Before you attempt to answer that keep in mind that 2 tablespoons of peanut butter have more fat than a whole package of bacon. There is fat in A LOT of foods, and there is sugar and simple carbs in A  LOT of foods.  I feel like a mouse caught in a maze and not sure how to get to the end.

Do I just take the good with the bad, eat a balanced meal, and take the subsequent pain "like a man"? Even the lovely 20 day Clean Out I designed for this blog and for my body does not take fat into consideration. Oils, nuts, coconut milk are just three examples that contain fat and are used abundantly in my meal plan. I would like your feedback as to what kind of diet I should try, I'm a difficult one to figure out! It's no wonder the "healthiest" eater in the world who has done "everything possible" to heal her gut and brain still can't heal.

My current dietary ideas are as follows, but as you see in parenthesis, don't completely eliminate sugar/fat.

Upon arising: Kefir (some fat some sugar but nice probiotics good for IBS)
Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs and grapefruit (cholesterol, fructose but no oil and naturally occurring sugar and fiber)
Snack: beef jerky (animal fat)
Lunch: green salad with salmon, lemon, side of blueberries, strawberries, almonds, no dressing (fish oil, almond oil, FODMAP, fructose in berries)
Snack: banana cacao coconut milk (fat in milk, sugar in milk)
Dinner: Baked potato with olive oil and spice or chives, green tea (olive oil)

Lots of "healthy" food! All whole food!  No refined sugar or wheat or dairy! Lean meats! Still laced with sugar and fat, because a body is supposed to be able to process sugar and fat, and I can't make my body do it.  What foods do you suggest? What has worked for other people with IBS? How do I maintain healthy blood sugar, amino acid level, mineral and vitamin balance, and not tax my system with large food molecules? 

Constipated

I've accepted my diagnosis from the gastroenterologist, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and even though I don't understand what is causing it, I have at least (this week) figured out a way to keep the adverse symptoms from catching up with me. Drink lots of water, take psyllium husk (fiber) every day, make sure to have a bowel movement at least once a day even if it requires a suppository to make it happen, and continue eating the diet that is least conducive to blockage or buildup in the bowels.  The diet I am currently on is a whole food, lots of water, low fat (no pork, no milk, no cheese, no trans fat, and very little saturated fats), no sugar, no refined flours/foods or wheat diet. I also take vitamin supplements daily and essential oil antibiotics for 7 days and then essential oil probiotics for 7 days and pancreatic enzymes when needed.  This week I have managed to stay regular and have lots of movement, which I gauge by the frequency of gas and stool, and have had only a few moments of uncomfortable bloating. We will see if this continues through my cycle, as this week is usually a time in my cycle I have regularity anyway. Two doctors have told me constipation is the problem, which, considering my past, is a relatively good thing. I've had so many issues that to be told "you're just constipated" means maybe I'm seeing some lasting change. It could be worse! But it did cause a lot of problems.
I have learned that even though some of my problems seem to have no solution, many of my problems were solved by the inspiration and knowledge learned and implemented. My chronic IBS that I was apparently born with and has no obvious cause wreaked havoc on my system, in my youth I could take it, but after I had kids I was in pretty bad shape mentally and physically. Now I feel like I'm a lot better off, even if still not completely healed, and maybe I never will be due to the damage I incurred unknowingly in my youth. To be able to say I'm doing a lot better is worth the effort! Look at how things got progressively worse until I changed my diet and then problems started to fall away:

Its interesting when you look at it this way how many problems have been corrected by changing my diet. I had a rough year adjusting to the new diet and a lot of pain was involved, and it seemed like I wasn't making much progress, but today I see much progress was being made. Yes I'm still constipated, which causes bloating and diarrhea, and maybe that will never go away. However, I have learned that being careful about what I eat has eliminated chronic fatigue and dizzy spells, reduced mood disorders, regulated blood sugar, drastically reduced head aches, eliminated leaky gut and brain fog, and who knows what else I've missed! I feel my intelligence and health in large part is restored. That is worth it to me, I'm very grateful. It took me 4 years to get to this point, some miracles take time, you can do it too, don't give up.
 

Broken

I went to see an Gastroenterologist yesterday. I went back and forth about keeping that appointment for a month, but decided to go ahead and go through with it to see if maybe I could learn something from an "expert." I tried to keep my expectations were pretty low, but alas, Dr. Alsolomain managed to not even meet the lowest of low expectations. He is just the same as the doctors at Premier Family Medical, ask a few questions, interrupt and talk over you, start with the least invasive/complicated name for the symptoms given, give no explanation as to what is causing the problem, give a few pointers to control symptoms, take your blood work to make sure they aren't missing something, and send you home as quick as they can. No questions about diet or nutrition, no questions about supplements, a blanket statement "don't eat fat" and "how about a follow up in 4 weeks?" For what? You haven't helped me figure out the problem, and as far as I know you don't really care either. He didn't listen, he didn't explain, he didn't help. I wasn't all that surprised after, but a little discouraged.

His brilliant diagnosis? I don't get food out of my stomach fast enough so everything is backed up. "Don't eat fat and take Miralax, its a very safe and gentle medicine." Yes I've been told about the Miralax. What do you mean don't eat fat? Transfat? Monounsaturated fat? Polyunsaturated fat? Unsaturated fat? Animal fat? Saturated fat? "Just don't eat animal skins or bacon and ham, boil things instead of fry them." Sounds well thought through. More like religion speaking, pigs are unclean don't eat them. Fine. I won't eat pork or fried food any more. That isn't going to do anything. I keep thinking something I do will actually help, if I cut out all fat out of my diet my brain will suffer, but my tummy will feel good? If my brain suffers my gut suffers! If I don't eat fat because my gut can't handle it I'll cause a myriad of other problems. Besides, the other day I got bloated after eating celery and almond butter, what has that got to do with pork fat? "Oh and take some probiotics" he tacks on. Well, since you didn't ask me about what I eat I guess you don't know I already have been taking probiotics. "You should feel better in a few weeks" he says. I've been suffering from these problems most of my life and you think in a few weeks not eating fat is going to make me all better? OK. Thanks old man integrated in the medical model, I learned something from you, doctors won't and can't help me unless I'm even more broken than I currently am. Good thing I intervened in 2011 when I was falling fast and prevented myself from becoming diabetic, MS, parkinsons, or worse.

I am broken and that's why I keep seeking help. This doesn't happen nearly as often as it used to, but Sunday I lost control of my behavior because of strong negative emotions again. It was the end of a difficult premenstrual week, for some reason my brain wasn't communicating with my reproductive organs to just start the period, it wasn't communicating with my bowels to have regular BMs, I was bloated nauseous hungry but didn't want to eat, had hot flashes all night, and spikes and crashes in my blood sugar. I was angry and tired and confused, I couldn't problem solve effectively and caused a division in my marriage, and again question my ability to be mentally stable enough to even be married. It went beyond not feeling well, I felt like a devil had taken over my mind and body and I was helpless to fight against it. After everything I do to keep myself mentally and physically clean and stable I still break down. What imbalance in my gut nervous system, hormone regulation, and neurotransmitters is causing this misery? My body is functioning, but it hates me. It's like a little torture chamber I'm stuck in, and the doctors just see an IBS sort of thing going on, don't have an answer as to why, and don't see the connections between that and my physical and emotional pain. It's frustrating, I feel like a lot of the things I have done have helped me heal in some ways, but not others, and for that I have to admit I just don't know what to do.

I coped with this information by accepting God's will for my life and this body. It was something I was born with and something I will die with, and being willing to feel it and experience it helped me accept it. I am grateful for the functioning I do have, even if part of me always has been and always will be broken.

LDS Hymn #120

1. Lean on my ample arm,
   O thou depressed!
   And I will bid the storm
   Cease in thy breast.
   Whate'er thy lot may be
   On life's complaining sea,
   If thou wilt come to me,
   Thou shalt have rest.
   If thou wilt come to me,
   Thou shalt have rest.
2. Lift up thy tearful eyes,
   Sad heart, to me;
   I am the sacrifice
   Offered for thee.
   In me thy pain shall cease,
   In me is thy release,
   In me thou shalt have peace
   Eternally.
   In me thou shalt have peace
   Eternally.

A Child

I was waiting in line at the grocery store an noticed an older lady in front of me with a small girl next to her, the lady looked like the girl's grandma perhaps, and the little girl looked about 5 or 6 years old. As grandma was trying to swipe her debit card and pay for her purchase, the little girl kept putting her hand up wanting to push the buttons on the screen. The grandma calmly and rather absent-mindedly pushed the little girl's hand away each time as she tried to get through the check out process, and the first thing that came to my amused mind was impatience. "Children are so dumb, they want to do everything themselves without any sense that they might mess things up." Then I thought, "that was rude, I used to be exactly like that little brown-haird piggy tailed girl, constantly snatching things or insisting on doing things myself, and my mom was so patient that whenever she was in a position to let me she would!" Then I realized how patient the little girl was actually being, she wouldn't ever actually push anything on the screen, she would hold her finger up and hover and wait in case her grandma would allow it, only to be gently pushed away. She didn't cry or pout or yell, she just tried to do it again, hovering over the screen in case it was her turn to try.  My amusement turned to love for this child, and all children, and I realized that was me now. I am a child, holding up my ideas, can I be smart enough now? and gently being pushed away. My answer, like the unspoken answer to the little girl, seems to be "you're not wise enough or old enough yet, but trust me, one day you will be able to do not only this but much, much more."

"Can I push the button? Can I do important work like you Father? Can I do it myself yet? Can I come home yet?"  Not yet. You have some more growing to do, I know you want to be "all grown up" and you're frustrated being limited in so many ways, remember even though you are a child, you are my child, a divine Child of God, and one day you will know all that I know and do all that I do, if you don't give up.

My brethren, I have found
a land that doth abound
with fruit as sweet as honey;
The more I eat, I find,
The more I am inclined
To shout and sing hosanna.

My soul doth long to go where I may fully know
The glory of my Savior;
And as I pass along I’ll sing the Christian song,
I’m going to live forever.
Perhaps you think me wild,
or simple as a child;
I am a child of glory;
I am born from above,
my soul is filled with love;
I love to tell the story.

My soul now sits and sings
and practices its wings,
and contemplates the hour
When the messenger shall say,
‘Come quit this house of clay,
and with bright angels tower.’

And as I pass along
I’ll sing the Christian song,
I’m going to live forever.
Forever.
                               Pilgrim Song by Ryan Murphy