My Words

One of my favorite books is "These Is My Words" by Nancy Turner, one of the rare books I've read more than once; its simplicity, authenticity, and courage inspire me every time I read it. I am by nature a journal writer, I have 23 volumes dating back to 1988, and though I doubt anyone will wade through the volumes of my life history, it has at best helped me wade through difficulty and at the least, taught me how to write.
I have long felt I need to write the thoughts that come to me as I "keep moving forward" in my journey, but fear of vulnerability and mediocrity has held me back. I'm no PhD, I haven't done extensive research on anything, never been published, and I wouldn't call myself an expert on anything--not even my own psyche--but what I do have is a desire to live my life to the fullest and inspire others to do the same.
In February 2014 I was still struggling with health problems that were destroying my hope and undermining my goals. I wanted to heal but I also felt trapped in a broken body and wanted to be free; I needed a reason to keep going. I felt my body trying to shut down, my brain losing its ability to soak in and retain information like I always loved. I was only 35, I didn't know why I was aging so quickly, why going to doctors took me to dead ends, but until I was in the ground I wanted to contribute, and I felt like writing gave me a reason to endure. This narrative is about my journey to find health and strength, because I did find it, and I want others to know the secret.
I have long ago abandoned the idea that my self-worth is any way tied to my contributions in life. Self worth is inherent. "People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross  So why contribute? I have no delusions that these words will be read from anyone important and significant by worldly standards, but if they inspire hope and courage in even one person, that is important and significant to me. So many times I have read the words of others, some famous some not, all courageous enough to write it down so my eyes and ears can benefit from it, and I’ve longed to join those ranks.
So, thought I in February 2014, if God intends to prolong my life, I intend to start living it, and by living I mean courageously sharing it, and by so doing hope to infuse my life blood with purpose and fulfillment and joy.